What goes up, must come down, same rules apply with depression.

I’ll start with saying I had a fairly decent weekend, I did nothing, went nowhere as usual, but, over all it was pleasant. I even ventured into the kitchen and made some home made caramel fudge. Melts in your mouth, bad, bad bad for your teeth. As for getting fat, I could do with some Kgs put on me. bring it on!!  lol

Today how ever is a slow day, I’m feeling a little lost for some reason. Might be the fact I didn’t sleep well last night /yesterday / this morning (they all lead into each other), maybe not eating right is catching up again too, I’ve been eating 1 -2 cooked meals per week for awhile now.

I also missed another network app. So glad my case worker there is understanding.. I was on the phone with him today for around 1/2 hour, he seems to know about depression, bi polar a fair bit. It definitely helps. I’m slowly accepting the fact that I need to be open and honest with myself for people to understand and accept me for me.

In my years growing up, I could not talk to anyone about any issues, problems troubling me, I hid them, all because I didn’t want anyone to think I was weak or wasn’t  “man” enough (when I was around 13yo, one of my uncles pulled me aside and told me I have to be the “man of the house” now my father’s left. I was taught “real men don’t cry”…  I tried taking on that “man” roll, as well as a 13yo could.  People judged me, said I was arrogant, rude or simply a prick. I guess it’s how I came across, I still do today to some I guess. I was well and truly lost in my teens, a young boy, trying to be a man. Ironic thing is, I never learned how to be a amn”  in the end anyway.

I can’t recall much of my teen years, as much as I try, it’s like a scattered jigsaw puzzle dropped on the floor, when I try and put it together, I can see bits and pieces, but, not the whole picture. There seems to be a lot of pieces missing from the box too.

Anyway, that’s enough dribble from me,  for now. I can just go on and on when I’m in this mood. lol.

As always, take it easy!


Technology Age – Learning ABCs to Parents Advice in later years

I was just pondering, as I often do, about a TV commercial that was just on. Leap Frog Learning books, in the commercial, it said something along the lines of  ‘You can check what your child has been learning online’ which got me thinking, if the Parent was teaching their child, instead of wasting time downloading the info from the book and having to upload it to the computer/laptop,  then they would already know what their child’s up to, it kinda ironic that, hey?.

Then, (yes, there’s more) , I got to thinking a little deeper, maybe kids/teens of now days have more trouble communicating with their parents due to these electronic age learning techniques, I mean, years before, when I was a lad, what we learned at home was basically all  from our parents, which strengthens the bond/trust, so our mind set would generally be to seek parents for advice as we grew older, but, the techno learning generation of today would be more inclined to use other resources, such as a computer, as their mind set is taught at an early age to seek “advice” or “learn” from other resources and not confide in their parents for guidance.

Food for thought, well in this wacky mind anyway.  lol.


Blog Design and Layout, Arrgh!

Where does it stop, I’m starting to think it never does lol, you get one bit the way you want it looking, then look over and notice that section you just spent last week doing, now looks out of place.! :0

I’m not really complaining, it’s good to exercise the old gray matter. I’ve learnt a bit in CSS and some PHP scripting over the last couple of months, so many new tricks and techniques are coming out all the time it’s hard to keep up. A lot of what I knew 8 years ago is pretty much obsolete now, Tables anyone? lol.

I’m liking the new CSS4 release, some of the new features are awesome. One particular one is the new image borders I’m using on this site.

While I’m on the subject of CSS and web design, I can honestly say, I no longer like Internet Explorer. Talk about a half cocked up try hard wannbe browser, I’ve used Google Chrome since released for my main browsing and IE, Firefox, Safari and a couple of others for testing browser compatibility while designing. Internet Explorer fails everytime, you basically need to re-write your css file for IE, it’s ridiculous.


Anyways, hope your weekend was great.



Yay, The Weekend’s Here.. Yeah Right.. lol

Most people can’t wait for the weekend to arrive, but, it’s just become another day of the week for me, even more so, it means that I have to wait for another couple of days at least to hear about my appointment. lol, told ya, my thought process is f’d!.

Along with Weekends, I have not celebrated Easter, Christmas or my birthday for that matter, for many years, those too are just another day to me. I guess not having the kids around kind of takes the excitement out of those things. it bothers me a lot.. Just one of the ‘million and one mind farts’ in the mind of DirtyDazz.

Anyway, have yourself a great weekend to whom ever be reading this, and make it a safe one 🙂

’till next time, Dazz.

Another step Closer

I feel I’m getting closer to my oldest boy againl.. 🙂

He’s come such a long way from just a few years ago, he’s matured so much in his mannerism, not to mention physically. Man, they grow so fast.. It’s hard to put into words on how proud I am of his achievements, not just in life, but within himself too. Such a smart lad, I know, I know, we all say that about our kids, but, he is.. and so confident lol 🙂 .. I can see with the right guidance he can be pretty much anything he likes, if he puts his mind to it that is, quick, witty and a BIG cheeky smile, winning combo for sure. lol. Now to get that through his head and get him to buckle down is another story I bet. He’s going through a bit of a rebellious stage atm, we all remember 15 turning 16 right? maybe he’s just stubborn. I know I’m not someone to look up to at this point of time, but, hopefully I can help guide him from my life experience.

Teenage years, how I remember those days lol, it’s scary having your own out there.. Love you heaps Daniel. 🙂



1 small step for man, one giant leap for Darren Calladine

It’s a scary concept, venturing back out into the real world, but, I’m going to make this work. Starting this blog has been great for me so far, I guess it’s easier to let out your thoughts and feelings to the world, than one on one. it’s helping me accept who I am.

One thing that I never thought would happen is, it has brought Family out of the woodworks, some I haven’t spoken to for 25+ years, it’s kinda nerve wrecking, but, good in some ways. I no longer have to hide a tainted life. Getting moral support from them is such a great feeling, remembering times gone by, I guess life did have its good moments. ahhhh.. so long ago.

well, I’m waiting on this appointment to come, then I can surely say…

 “I’m on my way, from misery to happiness to be. ahuh, ahuh ahuh”