Life’s out to get me I’m convinced.

I swear someone’s following me through life, pulling out the building blocks as I try and stack them to climb to greater heights. I’ve talked about my websites over the last couple of months, and my sites, something I took up to get my mind active again.

If you’re been following this blog you’d know I’ve been slowly building traffic and getting a lot of repeat visitors now. Anyway, on my estore-au website. I’m partnered with an advertising affiliation company, where I place advertisements for companies on my site and get a commission on successful sales. Things were starting to pick up and it felt good to be doing something right for a change.

But, hey, guess what… I just received a letter in the mail from the government stating that my ABN (Australian Business Number) has been cancelled. I need this to receive payments from any sales I make through my site.. What have I done so wrong…

To top things off, I missed another appointment last week and only received $130 payment this fortnight. 2 weeks on $130. lol. that doesn’t even pay rent, let alone food and living.. I realize it was my fault, not intentionally, but, my fault. Doesn’t make it any easier.

It seems no matter what I try to better myself, somethings always going to kick me down.

So over this life…




Australian ISP got hacked 40gig stolen from AAPT July 26 2012

It’s bound to happen at some time or another, we all know anything sent via an electronic signal can be “hijacked” and manipulated, the internet is no different. Just shows that nothing is safe, so play smart while online kiddies.

Here’s the nitty gritty.

Anonymous hacktivists steal AAPT customer data in data retention protest

Internet security and privacy are enjoying a spirited public airing in Australia today.

The wires are abuzz with claims that hackersstole 40GB of data from AAPT, an Aussie ISP, in protest against proposed new surveillanceand data retention laws.

Hacktivism isn’t a new phenomenon, and it makes a handy excuse for outlaw hackers who want to flex their muscles whilst distancing themselves from common-or-garden cybercriminality.

Collecting data in large amounts – whether you’re driving a Google StreetViewcar, operating a huge gaming network, or running a surveillance operation – comes with a huge commercial risk.

Sadly, that risk is often bigger for the individuals whose data is being collected than for the companies collecting it. (If you get fined for losing my data, you can recoup your loss by working smarter in the future. But I can’t get a new birthday, and my mum can’t get a new maiden name.)

A formal statement purporting to be from the CEO of AAPT has appeared on PasteBin:

July 26 2012 awesome awesome set of words. I would write that myself, but I refuse to say the F word in public....heh - STATEMENT FROM DAVID YUILE, CEO AAPT



I’m not sure how much comfort we should feel to know that the “data is historic”. After all, historic data is, by definition, significant and important.

Dictionary humour aside, surely there’s less justification for losing last year’s now-redundant data than for having your latest database hacked?

Losing data which didn’t need to be online at all – data which you weren’t actually using, and hadn’t used for some time – seems even more careless than finding that your currently-active online database system has a command injection flaw.
(Note that I’m not saying that losing current data is acceptable. But it is easier to understand why it might happen.)

If you’re going to leave data lying around off-site – listen up, anyone who’s ever used any sort of cloud service! – then be sure to encrypt it first.

That way, if it falls into the wrong hands, it’s just so much shredded cabbage.

As for the hackers, their behaviour can’t be condoned either.

So far they’ve got at least some popular support – the Australian editor at The Next Web, for example, opined that “[g]iven Australia’s less-than-stellar record with sane Internet security policies in recent years, we can only hope that attacks like these are not in vain and prove to lawmakers that their efforts will be ineffective.”

Nevertheless, the hackers have not only trampled on existing, purposeful, anti-breach laws to achieve their aims, but also now have possession of data they ought not. Word on the street seems to be that they plan to disclose some of it – which will just make the whole thing worse.

It certainly seems strange to protest against the risks of data retention by making yet another copy of data you think ought not to have been there in first place. Somehow, it feels a bit like deliberately picking a fight down the pub to demonstrate the problems posed by alcohol-fuelled violence.

And there you have it.

You’ll have to make your own mind up on the morality of hacktivism and the propriety of surveillance and data retention.

Just remember this: when it comes to privacy, cryptography is your friend.


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Friends – Friendship – Buddies – Mates – Partners – Trust

As sad as it is for me to admit, I can honestly say I’ve been in more relationships than I’ve had social friends throughout my miserable life. I know trust issues have a lot to do with that. I don’t know if it was due to my low self-esteem “growing” up, but I just seemed to knock around people who as soon as my back had turned, they’d be doing me wrong. Even in a couple of relationships, I’ve had so-called friends and then “partners” screw behind my back. It just really flucks with your trust in people, not to mention questioning your own self-worth. Once is bad enough, rinse and repeat a couple of times and you really start questioning yourself.

I know I’ve pushed a lot of people away with my insecurities due to all that. When you start questioning yourself, you start getting paranoid that other people see you as less of a person (this is how my thought process works) and you start believing that yourself. I can tell you that’s one bad rocky road to travel down.

I don’t blame people of my past for what’s happened or how I am today, in a way it’s my fault. As I said in another blog post, I was subconsciously sabotaging my relationships and pushing people away. But it doesn’t hurt any less.

Maybe if I was a stronger person back then, people would have shown more respect towards me. Who knows. Life’s been f’d up at the best of times for me.

I’ve tried to relax more these days, around people I mean. Not to take things to heart, not take things personally. It’s hard when you’re a compassionate person though. Little things, such as not getting a reply to a post or posting a comment and it being ignored plays on my mind a lot. I rarely post on message boards, fb, Google Plus etc, I haven’t for many years because of this very reason. Maybe I am just a dick head that no one wants to know anymore. lol. Blah. I can be quite the cunny funt when I want.

I suppose I need to believe in myself first and stop caring what other people think. Life’s like that.


Anyway, ’til my next brain fart, Dazz.



I’m at that age now (yeah I’m gettin’ old)

I’m at that age where I’m starting to think about the “bigger picture” in life a lot more. You know, those deep thoughts and pondering about the meaning of life and why we’re here. I was a strong believer for a while, and I know this sounds whacked, but I believed I was placed on this earth as a punishment to others, as in relationships. I was so jealous, insecure and controlling, I swear I bent a couple of my ex’s brains along the way. Things would get that bad that I drove them away, who could blame them. lol.

One of my ex partners gave me her observations one day and said “you’re purposely sabotaging your relationships, looking for faults in fear of being hurt, so subconsciously you’re hurting the relationship before you get hurt by it”. She was so spot on and it actually woke me up a fair bit, it gave me the power of knowledge. I never realized it before. I knew I had issues with trust, but, I thought I was just an over passionate person.

Anyway, having that knowledge gave me the key signals of this happening in a later relationship. It helped a lot in controlling it and basically getting my brain to change the pattern that followed. It wasn’t easy at first I admit, but, with each time, it was easier and easier and it got to the point where I felt relaxed in a relationship for the first time. It’s amazing what the power of knowledge can do.

I believe there’s a lesson to be learnt in everyone we meet along our journey through life, they’re not all good lessons, but the secret is to listen to others and let their words bounce around your head for a bit before tossing them aside. You’ll soon work out if it’s useful or not. Even if you don’t like what you’re hearing.


Anyway, that’s enough dribble for now.  Have a wicked weekend all!!


I Hate Being Judged!

I really do.. I hate when people find out that I suffer with depression the entire f’n attitude changes, it’s like I just told them I have some foreign disease or something, I hate it with a passion. Even if I feel I’m being judged I’ll switch off and generally walk away these days. I’m just so over it.

I caught up with an old friend recently online and soon as they found I had depression, they suddenly had computer issues, yet the night before we spoke for hours. It was quite good catching up. I’m still me ffs!  Just a little run down in life.

What ever happened to the real people in this world, ones that accepted your quirks, people who just accepted you for you? I admittedly have searched for perfection in people for a long time and realized quite awhile ago that it doesn’t exist, the only person you can really rely on is yourself.  But, you need to have faith in others still, right? it’s just so freakin’ hard in this day and age.

Trust, it’s a dirty four letter word.


Edit* it turned out to be true. I guess I’m just a little touchy. and here’s me preaching about being judged. There’s a lesson to be learned everywhere.  🙂 my sincere apologies.


Anyway, that’s enough whining from me today, thanks for listening, err, reading. 🙂

“till we meet again, Dazz.



High hurdles ahead.. Getting mentally fit

One of the hardest things of stepping back into the world is trust in people. It must be one of the hardest things to gain again once you’ve been burned a few times. We are taught as kids that if something hurts, then don’t do it. lol, if life was only that easy.

It’s been a couple of months now since making that decision of getting out of this “dark place” I’ve been living in for so many years. I still haven’t ventured out the house really, have not spoken to anyone in person either. But, in saying that, I am feeling a little better about myself as a whole.  Probably due to reading and understanding more about how the mind works, that in-fact I’m not the only person with manic depression and there are many success stories from people suffering from depression or mental illnesses.

I can assure you one thing tho, knowledge is a great tool and seeking it is just as good, it exercises your mind, releasing endorphin’s when you start to understand things that are going on in your life, it gives you a wellness feeling, well, does for me anyway. I’ve never been big on reading I can honestly say I’ve read maybe 2-3 chapter books in my entire life (40years) but over the last 6 months I must have read 20 books worth, just wish I could soak it all in lol. ohwell, I’m getting the important stuff I think. it’s working anyway.. that’s the main thing right?

Been concentrating on just one of my websites of the last couple of weeks, it’s tedious, but I’m seeing a slow build in traffic. which makes me feel good also. My efforts are not futile after all. it’s also been a great learning curve on how search ranking works, catch phrases, keywords etc. It’s been great. I’m considering doing a course in small business, online of course. I tried going back to school in my 20s, lol. What a joke that was. 😛

Well, that’s it for me on this one. take care guys. Hope your weekend was good.


’till next time, Dazz.

An Old Lady’s Poem | When A Crabbit Old Woman Died In A Country Nursing Home

The crabbit old woman, also known as “An Old Lady’s Poem” was said to be found by nurses amongst a deceased elderly lady’s belongings.  Living her last days in a small country nursing home. It was said that she had nothing left of any value, yet this poem has given out so much.

The Crabby Old Woman

The Crabbit Old Woman

What do you see, nurses, what do you see,
what are you thinking when you’re looking at me?
A crabbit old woman, not very wise,
uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes.

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
when you say in a loud voice, “I do wish you’d try!”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
and forever is losing a stocking or shoe.

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will
with bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you’re thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you’re not looking at me.

I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
as I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
brothers and sisters, who love one another.

A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet.
A bride soon at twenty – my heart gives a leap,
remembering the vows that I promised to keep.

At twenty-five now, I have young of my own
who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty my young sons have grown and are gone,
but my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty once more babies play round my knee,
again we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
and I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.

I’m now an old woman and nature is cruel;
’tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
there is now a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
and now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
and I’m loving and living life over again.

I think of the years – all too few, gone too fast
and accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
not a crabbit old woman; look closer – see ME!


A Nurses Reply

There are several variations around the Internet, but I found this one written nicer than most others in my opinion.

Please feel free to pass it on.


wow, I’m sure we just had another earth tremor / quake in Melbourne 7:11pm 20 July – yep, 4.3 earth quake near Moe Victoria

I swear the house just creaked and my bed shook, even my laptop on my lap wobbled from side to side..  it’s not the drugs, I swear..  the earth moved… best go check the news.

Edit* Yep 4.3 earth quake near Moe Victoria

Type: Earthquake
2 hours ago
Magnitude: 4.5
DateTime: Friday July 20 2012, 09:11:31 UTC
Region: Near S.e. Coast Of Australia
Depth: 10 km
Source: CSEM-EMSC Feed
Magnitude: 4.3
DateTime: Friday July 20 2012, 09:11:31 UTC
Region: Near Moe, Vic.
Depth: 0 km
Source: GeoScience Australia

IMAGE: The NQR Supermarket in Morwell (supplied)ImageMAPMorwell, Victoria

Great link here to show all earth quakes as they’re happening world wide.. Thanks to Zro Dfects


Thanks for the replies all..



Big Dipper? No It’s the Big Ripper! It Could End the Universe, Earth and Human Existence

Stars will fade the sun will stop shining and the earth and our bodies will be ripped apart into millions of pieces.

Here’s you all running around worried about a Zombie infestation. ha.!  The universe ultimately created us, I’d say it will be our demise as well.

Check this out, it kind of makes you realize just how vulnerable our life system is, meaning, earth. I really have to stop worry over the small things. Life’s so precious.

Read on.
Big Rip - end of the universe

The Big Rip: This illustration released by NASA depicts a view of the night sky just before the predicted merger between our Milky Way galaxy (left) and the neighboring Andromeda galaxy in about 3 billion years in what is known as The Big Rip.  (AP Photo/NASA)

This Big Rip, Nobel Laureate Brian Schmidt says, might be the way our universe ends and it may happen “on literally a human time scale”.

At a public talk by the Australian Astronomical Observatory in Sydney on Wednesday night, Prof Schmidt – a joint winner of the 2011 Nobel Prize for Physics – described how our universe is rapidly expanding.

The expansion, Prof Schmidt said, will eventually force our neighboring galaxy – Andromeda Spiral – to merge with our Milky Way in about three billion years.

While it sounds messy, the space between our stars means it will be less like a train wreck and more like two swarms of bees coming together, he said.

Nevertheless, it will irrecoverably alter our view from Earth.

“We will see stars but we will look out into an empty universe,” he said.

Prof Schmidt said only four-and-a-half per cent of the universe is made up of things we can see – atoms, while the rest is invisible.

Dark matter makes up 24 per cent and dark energy the remaining 72 per cent.

Once this dark energy takes over, it will cause more space to expand, creating more dark energy, “which can then push harder against gravity, creating even more space”.

“The creation of space eventually can happen even more quickly than light can travel.”

This could lead to one of the “craziest theoretical ideas” and one of Prof Schmidt’s favourites – the Big Rip.

“You will see the stars in the sky start disappearing as they accelerate beyond the speed of light.

“Then one day the sun will go out.

“Then, not too long after, you and the earth will be ripped into pieces.”

Or it could end in a less dramatic fashion.

Either way, Prof Schmidt said, unless dark energy suddenly disappears very quickly the universe it seems is fated to expand and fade away.

Source: Tomato