Did you ever wonder if your pubes go gray when you get older? I did, lol. I have no idea why it even passed through my mind, just one of those whacked things I ponder at times I guess.
Well, I can assure you pubic hair does go gray!! I’ve been plucking gray hairs outa my head for a couple of years now and noticed some silver streaks growing down below :-0 lol. Well, that’s one curiosity solved in the wacky world of Dazz.. Just thought I’d let you know.
Well, now that’s I’ve wasted 2 mins of your time, you can walk away assured that you’re now more knowledgeable in knowing this simple time waster. hehe.
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If there’s anything that stands out since starting this blog, it’s the amount of “bloggers” there are around the world. Millions! and I’m being light minded when saying that. There are blogs covering literally everything, and boy do I mean everything! lol.
When starting this blog, I did some research on what was around, most of what I came across were geared towards one particular topic, interest or hobby. I’ve learnt if you want a successful blog, you need to find a topic/interest and try and stick to it. That’s where I’m having problems. I have so many interests in life, but none that stand out above the others. So I tend to ramble on a bit from one topic to another. It kills my search rankings.. Maybe I’ll find something. ha!
I initially made this site to get stuff off my chest and share my journey back to the “real world” but all that’s still on hold. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not just sitting around feeling sorry and depressed, I have been trying so many new things, techniques and what not to over come this depression. Sometimes I feel good, other times I don’t. With depression, it’s not just feeling low, you really do feel low, like an impending end is coming. Just nothing seems worth it, even myself.
Speaking of myself, there’s so much I dislike, so much I need to change, but old habits are hard to break. Old ways of thinking are hard to break. I need to learn to believe in me again. It’s hard when I’ve failed in so many ways.
It’s a hard thing trying to explain to someone how one “lives in the past”. It’s hard trying to understand it myself at times. As part of my depression symptoms, I do just that. I didn’t even realize until it was pointed out to me (again, thanks Di xx) It really opened my mind to some of my problems. Not so much to mend those situations, but gave me a reason as to why they’re still affecting me today.
While I’m sometimes sitting here thinking, reality comes and hits me in the face. I’m 41yo, turning 42 in a couple of weeks and I still feel like I’m in my 20s, not so much in maturity, but my attitude towards life. I think about death more these days, as in old age death. I figure with the way I’ve abused my body over the years I’m well and truly over the middle age mark at 41. I know, it’s not old but even at 60 years old, that’s only 18 years away. I’m not scared of death, but I am starting to think of what I would miss out on if and when I do leave this earth. I guess it’s a good sign depression wise, It’s looking at the future..
I can’t see me getting out into the world like I had done in my younger years. I’m just too burnt out emotionally to get involved with people again. I mean to let those walls down and let someone in as someone to trust and confide in. My head’s to screwed.
I sometimes yearn for friendship, someone to visit and just hang with at times, but I can’t see myself allowing me to do that again. I just feel real tired when I do think about it. I guess it’s just from being burnt.
Anyway, that’s enough rambling for now.
Before I go, I said in a past blog I often sit and think about random crap, just thoughts on society and life. I came up with this awesome conversational topic yesterday, but damn if I remember it today lol. STM. (short term memory) it’s a real hassle at times. I need a voice recoder with me 24×7, heh.
Well, it’s been a couple of months now since we’ve heard from him, Never made contact with anyone except my mother, I contacted his Sister, but obviously didn’t pass the message or James has decided he’s better off not knowing us. either way it’s no loss.. I really don’t want to be associated with people like that. Family or not.
I had quite a few stories to tell as well, some good, some not so good, but it would have given a clear picture of what the old man was like. Out of the 3 kids I was the closest to him.
I got to thinking awhile ago, about my father, how he left us and not kept contact, I come to realize maybe he had been suffering depression or something along those lines but was never diagnosed. It would explain some things that’s for sure.
When I sit and think about my life, I can associate things with his. In the way I respond to situations I mean, not caring as much as I should. Well, not “not caring” but more to the point of thinking there’s no point in trying to better the situation. I guess it’s from years of being told I’m nothing, I will be nothing. it does have an effect.
anyway, that’s enough rambling for now. I’m just annoyed that this so called half brother pops up out of no where then pisses off again. Just like his old man :). Best left that way I think.
I do have a message for you James, Do what you feel is right by you, no one else, just you. Becuase I’ll tell ya matey, at the end of the day, it’s you that has to live with your decisions.. no one else. Life passes so fast.
Since Adsense gave DirtyDazz.com the boot, I’ve been looking around for a replacement. I did a little research and came across this InfoLinks program, So if you start seeing underlined word links around my blog, that is why. 🙂
It’s quite handy actually, so much easier to add to your website too. Anyway, we’ll see how it goes, I’ll do a write up about it in a couple of months.
Yeah I know, close your eyes, think of wonderful relaxing things, breath in deeply, exhale slowly, tighten your muscles and relax… breath in deep and exhale.. rinse and repeat. It just doesn’t work for me anymore.
Over the last week or so my sleeping pattern has gone haywire, getting 3 hours here, 4 hours there. It makes it hard to concentrate, let alone remember things I have to do. I even go to the point of writing things down lately so I don’t forget, but then I forget to read them. What makes things worse is when days become night and then become days, before I know it a week has past and it feels like 3-4 days have gone by at most. It really is hard to keep a handle on time with sleeping problems. I’ve been that way most of my life.
There are some techniques that do work at times, some quite simple such as counting backwards from 100. I often make a bet with myself that I can fall asleep before a certain number. Sometimes it works. It helps in the way of reoccupying your mind, as to help stop the thought process. It does work. Though I’ve noticed over the last several months my mind’s been able to chatter away while it’s counting backward, wtf! I’m male I “can’t multi task”!!… heh.
I’ve found Horlicks helps me relax sometimes as well. Maybe it’s the warm milk, but it tastes great either way.
Now the warmer weathers coming, I’ll be spending more time outside this year, even if it’s just in the backyard. This I have made a promise to myself. So I best do it.. Last person I wanna piss of is, umm, me.. 😛 A good hard days yacka in the garden makes me feel good, not just physically, but mentally as well. not sure what it is yet, but it feels good to be constructive.
Anyway, that’s it from me. Hope your weekend was a wicked one..
I just came across this is a news article and would like the 2nd that motion, heh. Who in their “right mind” wouldn’t, lol. Even the whacked would motion that one. Then again, I’ve tried to leave it for the last 4 years or so now. lol. Maybe I should just sit back and watch..
Stay in bed on Sunday, says Morrison
Federal Liberal frontbencher Scott Morrison plans to spend all Sunday in bed in his pyjamas – and he’s urging all Australians to do the same.
It’s all part of raising awareness of mitochondrial disease, an incurable genetic disorder that saps people of energy and can, sometimes, lead to organ failure or death.
Mr Morrison moved a motion in parliament on Monday recognising the effects of mitochondrial disease and calling on the government to promote greater awareness of the condition and give support for patients and their families.
He told parliament one in every 200 people were affected by the disease but many were misdiagnosed.
This week is Global Mitochondrial Disease Awareness Week which culminates in Global World Stay in Bed Day on Sunday to raise awareness and funds for research into the disease.
“The idea is to throw a pyjama party or a bed-in where you wear your PJs to school or work to show support as persistent fatigue is one of the first signs of the disease,” Mr Morrison said.
Sauce – Tomato
I sit here and my mind’s just blank. Tho that’s nothing unusual for me.
Spring’s arrived, so I have made my way out into the garden again and planted some vegies, Green Peas, Brussel Sprouts (yummo) and Carrots to start off with. Last year I had tomato seedlings popping up everywhere from the dropping fruit the year before, but this year there’s nothing. Guess I’l have to plant some shop bought ones again. I know some fruit from shop bought plants can be sterile.
Gardening is a favorite pastime for me, it always has been since childhood. It’s good for the soul to get down and dirty with mother nature and to nurture her siblings as they grow. hehe.
On another note.
I’ve been thinking of grabbing my camera and trying out some photography, but I’m stuck on a subject to focus on. Nature first comes to mind, but every Tom, Dick and Harry take nature shots. Then I got to thinking micro shots, close ups, things obscure. I don’t know, I guess I should just grab the damn camera and start taking photos. I’ll post some up when I do. ahh to venture out… scary concept . lol.
Anyway, that’s about it for me, and I found something to ramble on about after all, hehe..
Have a great weekend all.
I think of all this awesome shit I can write on my blog, just random thoughts and what not, I am after all a self-confessed genius. I have so many idea, so many dreams, but no way to explore them.
I really messed up when I was younger, I used resources that I should have left for emergencies instead of just taking advantage of them, it’s left me stuck. I just could never see a future back then, never thought I’d make it this far, let alone trying to start life once again. Even at this very moment my mind is fighting within itself, saying I’m wasting my time, yet, this time I may get somewhere.. just maybe..
Anyways, as I was saying, my mind’s always switch on, so I’ll try to start writing my pondering here as they come to mind.
Should be interesting.
I’ve always been quite skeptical, but they say you have to be in it to win it, so here I am filling out a form stating I will receive my lucky free numbers and I have. 41 – 33 – 7 – 25 – 37 – 20. So what are these lucky numbers and how do I use them?
I figure with the way my luck has been lately I have nothing to lose lol.
I was just thinking on the number above and can associate those with an age I was when something happened in my life. Maybe they’re just coincidence. Maybe my mind just thinks to much, heh.
As I was saying in a previous blog, I’m in a low state at the moment, I can’t think straight enough to work on my sites. I’ve pretty much been sitting here doing bugger all for the last month, it’s really starting to get to me, I can’t find the motivation to get going again.
It’s not due to lack of trying, I’ve even been exercising for the last couple of weeks. Nothing excessive, but regular. I’ve noticed some of my body is toning again. I’ve even been eating better, so I don’t know what the problem is. Probably just the negativity over the last couple of weeks. I really don’t know what triggers my depression fully yet, but I’m getting there… wherever there may be.