Heya guys, I’d like to open up a little here and put my cards on the table, so to speak.
For many years now, I have felt like a misfit, someone who didn’t belong in society, let alone the world. I just never fitted in any social groups. I ended up believing it was just me, that I was a misfit.
Growing up as a child, I was abused sexually, mentally and physically. I was also taught by my peers that “men don’t cry” we just suck it up and move on. I can assure you THAT is not a solution for anything. I had no one to turn to and I had no support. It has ruined my way of thinking, it has pretty much ruined my life. Only 4 years ago I was contemplating suicide. I even got to the point of writing out my goodbye notes. The only thing that stopped me was hearing my oldest sons voice, asking “why Dad”. So I went to the Docs and asked for help instead.
I was diagnosed with manic depression, which explained a lot of my failings in life. I simply did not have the confidence or drive to pursue a better life. Let’s face it, all it ever gave me was grief. Well, apart from my kids. But it even got to the point where I was believing they were better off without me. How wrong I was.
Depression still has a stigma about it, when people hear that someone has depression, they immediately think they’re off their rocker, crackers. This is not the case at all. I see it as shutting off emotions that keep us believing in ourselves.. you feel dead inside.
Let me try to explain it in another concept.
Picture yourself putting your hand on a hot plate, it burns and it hurts a lot. You learn fairly quickly not to do that again. You heal and continue to cook on that hot plate, all’s good.. But what if that hot plate is faulty and it burns you which ever way you try to use it. You soon put it aside and won’t touch it again. My life has been that faulty hot plate. I’ve been burned so many times. I gave up on “living” and just merely existed. If I had support back then, maybe life would have been different for me.
If only I had support, I might not have wasted the last 30 years just waiting to die.
Another thing that brings me to supporting Movember is the fact that my Father passed away at an early age from cancer, he was 49. It wasn’t prostate cancer, but cancer all the same. I started seeing him again when I was 20yo. I hoped we could rekindle the bond we had when I was a lad, but he passed away when I was 21 yo. I honestly felt like I was ripped off a 2nd time.. I had so much to say to him, I wanted to tell him how much he hurt me, I wanted to tell him how much I missed him… Words that will never be heard.
I have spent a lot of my time hating the world, hating myself. hating life. It’s just recently I’ve found out why. DEPRESSION!
With some guidance and counselling I could have made something of myself in life. But I was left to work it out myself and ended up “tainted”.
So please guys, I urge you to make a difference in today’s world for our young Men.. Don’t let them go through what I have.
Please show your generosity and support, make a small contribution to Movember 2012. Even $1.00 donation goes to help. Every bit helps!
All donations go to help in supporting male mental health and prostate cancer research. Let’s not be anal about this any longer!
Even if you can’t donate, please pass this on to friends.
Ps, I will add the update Movember pic tomorrow. Today wasn’t a good day for me.. just one of those days.