Movember 2012 – Day 25, err. I mean 27.

yeah yeah, so I missed a couple of days with my 5 day mo-updates.  I’d actually contenplated on not continuing with Movember, as I have had very little support. But, I thought about it some more and come to conclusion that I don’t need other people to pat me on the back, I can do it myself…  Bugger everyone else 🙂

Here’s my 2nd last mugshot for Movember 2012.

DirtyDazz - Movember 2012. Day 27.

DirtyDazz – Movember 2012. Day 27.

Only a couple more days to go, please consider a donation, every dollar counts..

Just follow this link to Mo Bro’s Movemeber website and click the “Donate” button under my picture on the left.

Cheers, Dazz.

 

A positive attitude is something we have to learn through honesty and trust.. it’s not given to us.

I’ve been trying to keep a positive attitude towards life, but it’s not always easy. I try hard not to think of my past, how I’ve failed to achieve anything. I look around me and have no material possessions of worth and it remind’s me of who I am and why.

I was taught at a young age that life is tough and you’re pretty much on your own when it comes to problems. I never had family support or friends for that matter and there were no real support from agencies back then for kids.. I was left to work issues out for myself.

That’s no easy task for anyone, let alone a young teenage boy. It left me with a selfish attitude, where only I existed and everyone else was just there. It’s just how I was “programmed” growing up in that environment. I carried that attitude with me for a long time and have suffered for it. I had no real value for life and no concern for others growing up, as it seemed to be the way the world worked. You have to look out for yourself, ’cause no one else will. That is how I thought anyway. It was all I knew.

In my early adult years. I would notice people going out their way to help others at times, I could never see the reason and thought there has to be something in it for them, or why would they even bother? It was just them simply being kind, something I had not experienced much growing up. It bothered me and instead of learning from it, it just made me feel even less important.. Why wouldn’t anyone give me that time of day? It played on my mind a lot over the years. it still does today.

I know inside I’m an intelligent person, I can be witty, funny and compassionate, I feel other people’s pain, I feel other people’s joy. I just feel like I don’t fit into any part of society or social group.  I think a lot of that comes down having no trust in people or myself growing up. Which again, comes back to my attitude towards life. it’s a vicious circle that I’m finding hard to break out of.

I’ve tried to post an entry for the last 2 weeks about my feelings and thoughts, I’ve typed out half a page many times and just can not finish them. So I have several unpublished blog entries just sitting there. They all seemed to be whining about something, I’m so over it reading it myself. lol.

A positive attitude is something we have to learn through honesty and trust.. it’s not given to us. This is something I believe I need to master to progress past my current train of thought.

 

Dazz

 

 

Something to say.

Well I have to say this guys. I’m very disappointed in the lack of support for Movember “Men’s Health Awareness” 2012. There are so many charities for women and children that get supported lots. I have no issue with that, it’s fantastic. But what about us blokes? We’re just being shunted to the side and have to cop it sweet? bugger that! What ever happened to Women’s Lib? equal rights and responsibility and all that?

Help me help those in need by supporting Movember “Mens Mental Health and Prostate Cancer research”.

http://au.movember.com/mospace/3598333

My Motivation for Movember 2012 – Last Week – Please read all.

Heya guys, I’d like to open up a little here and put my cards on the table, so to speak.

For many years now, I have felt like a misfit, someone who didn’t belong in society, let alone the world. I just never fitted in any social groups. I ended up believing it was just me, that I was a misfit.

Growing up as a child, I was abused sexually, mentally and physically.  I was also taught by my peers that “men don’t cry” we just suck it up and move on. I can assure you THAT is not a solution for anything.  I had no one to turn to and I had no support. It has ruined my way of thinking, it has pretty much ruined my life. Only 4 years ago I was contemplating suicide. I even got to the point of writing out my goodbye notes. The only thing that stopped me was hearing my oldest sons voice, asking “why Dad”. So I went to the Docs and asked for help instead.

I was diagnosed with manic depression, which explained a lot of my failings in life. I simply did not have the confidence or drive to pursue a better life. Let’s face it, all it ever gave me was grief. Well, apart from my kids. But it even got to the point where I was believing they were better off without me.  How wrong I was.

Depression still has a stigma about it, when people hear that someone has depression, they immediately think they’re off their rocker, crackers. This is not the case at all. I see it as shutting off emotions that keep us believing in ourselves.. you feel dead inside.

Let me try to explain it in another concept.

Picture yourself putting your hand on a hot plate, it burns and it hurts a lot. You learn fairly quickly not to do that again. You heal and  continue to cook on that hot plate, all’s good..  But what if that hot plate is faulty and it burns you which ever way you try to use it.  You soon put it aside and won’t touch it again. My life has been that faulty hot plate. I’ve been burned so many times. I gave up on “living” and just merely existed. If I had support back then, maybe life would have been different for me.

If only I had support, I might not have wasted the last 30 years just waiting to die.

Another thing that brings me to supporting Movember is the fact that my Father passed away at an early age from cancer, he was 49. It wasn’t prostate cancer, but cancer all the same. I started seeing him again when I was 20yo. I hoped we could rekindle the bond we had when I was a lad, but he passed away when I was 21 yo. I honestly felt like I was ripped off a 2nd time.. I had so much to say to him, I wanted to tell him how much he hurt me, I wanted to tell him how much I missed him… Words that will never be heard.

I have spent a lot of my time hating the world, hating myself. hating life. It’s just recently I’ve found out why. DEPRESSION!

With some guidance and counselling I could have made something of myself in life. But I was left to work it out myself and ended up “tainted”.

So please guys, I urge you to make a difference in today’s world for our young Men.. Don’t let them go through what I have.

Please show your generosity and support, make a small contribution to Movember 2012. Even $1.00 donation goes to help. Every bit helps!

All donations go to help in supporting male mental health and prostate cancer research. Let’s not be anal about this any longer!

Click here and show your support. Make a Donation..

Even if you can’t donate, please pass this on to friends.

 

Ps, I will add the update Movember pic tomorrow. Today wasn’t a good day for me.. just one of those days.

 

Dazz

Rainbow Lorikeet Living In My Roof – Roofus is getting more adventurous.

Roofus is getting quite active now. Even when he’s sleeping, he still carries on in his dreams, so cute to watch, just like a baby..

Here is his latest adventure and mug shot. He’s around 6 weeks old now.. I’m not 100% sure as I’m not sure when he was hatched in my roof.

Roofus The Rainbow Lorikeet at 6weeks

Roofus The Rainbow Lorikeet at 6weeks

Roofus The Rainbow Lorikeet at 6weeks

Roofus The Rainbow Lorikeet at 6weeks

 

Hugs, Hugging, Cuddles and More!

Ever wondered how long the average hug lasts? The quick answer is around 3 seconds, according to a new study of the post-competition embraces of Olympic athletes. But the long answer is more profound.

A hug lasts about as much time as many other human actions and neurological processes, which supports a hypothesis that we go through life perceiving the present in a series of 3-second windows.

The results reinforce an idea current among some psychologists that intervals of about 3 seconds are basic temporal units of life that define our perception of the present moment. Put another way, what one psychologist called the “feeling of nowness” tends to last 3 seconds.

Personally, I enjoy a nice long warm hug! So if you’re ever to receive a hug from me, expect just that..

Hugs

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep – Poetry – Mary Elizabeth Frye

 

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s,

hush,

I am the swift uplifting rush.

Of quiet birds in circled flight,

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there, I did not die.

 All Around

~Mary Elizabeth Frye~