I Hate You

I hate you

I hate you, so much

I hate you, for the way you held me,  and loved me with your touch

I hate you, for showing me I was worth something even when I wasn’t much

I hate you, for the beauty you posses inside

I hate you, for bringing out the little boy I used to hide

I hate you, for loving me.

I hate you so much, can’t you see…

But, I hate you the most of all,

because I can’t stop loving you,

not now,

not ever,

no, not at all.

-DirtyDazz 31/07/2014

i-hate-you

 

Message Recieved Loud and Clear. I’m Done.

And so are you.

Maybe now you’ll understand…

Done

don’t listen
to what i have to say
to you

sweep the trouble
of my words
under the rug

pretend you don’t see
the misery i live

and you won’t have
to deal with it
anymore

if you hope for
the day
where the happiness
returns

but don’t
do a thing
to help it come back

then sooner or later
you’ll finally see

what you meant to me

but you won’t understand
’til i’m gone

(away)

lynn paden- Lynn Paden
poet, writer. library worker,
lifelong learner and a great friend of mine.

done

To You – Poetry – Lynn Paden

write one more
sad poem about me

and see

jot down another word
that describes me

and see

look with sadness
at each post i fake

think of all the
mess you make

and see

what becomes of me
when you think i care

just see

that the troubles you
think i’m supposed to believe

won’t make me grieve

any more than i grieve myself

(alone)

lynn paden- Lynn Paden
poet, writer. library worker,
lifelong learner and a great friend of mine.

write

INBETWEEN – Poetry – Cindi Patterson

INBETWEEN

In your arms tonight, is where I’ll be in my dreams,
‘Cause in my dreams our world is perfect
And everything is how it seems.
In my heart this night, is where your memory strays
It wanders ’round and fills the darkness
And takes the cold away.

But I know, I know and I dread
The morning when I face the truth
That our true love is dead.
And I know, yes I know I’ll have to face the nightmare
I’ll have to own my empty chair
‘Cause you will never hold me there…again.

Throughout the day, I’ll watch the people walking past
Holding hands without a care
Rest assured their love will last.
I’ll turn away, knowing there will never be
Someone there to take my hand
Someone walking there alongside me.

And I know, I know and I dread
The evening when the light is fading
And I face my lonely bed.
And I know, yes I know I’ll have to face the nightmare
Until I fall asleep and find you
And I will let you hold me there…again.

"for Dazz"
Cindi Patterson 2014

sleeping_alone

I can’t love you like that

Thoughts of me, now gone astray

indulging another’s playful way.

many tales and lies were told

belittled by family and friends of old.

I can’t love you like that.

I lived in darkness, in shadows of past

I held on to hope, for our love to last.

now the shadows become light,

it has given me sight.

I can’t love you like that.

(broken)

– DirtyDazz 23/07/2014

infinity and beyond broken

Stepping Forwards With A Smile

So I need to get out and get a life.. A real life, off the internet..

So be it.

Tuesday I get my full set of choppers, so I think I might just celebrate by finding something to smile about and maybe show them off for a bit. I’m thinking I might start off with a nice stroll along the local Darebin wetlands, I could even smile at the weirdo’s walking past me. I’ll either get a smile back or they’ll just think I’m a weirdo too, lol.. yeah, shh you.. . Either way, the point is I’ll be able to smile confidently again. 😀

Looking forward to something new. Well, something old, but, revamped. Looking forward to a new change..

smile teeth

Cheers. Dazz

 

The Heart You Own – Poetry – Cindi Patterson

The last I saw of you
I blew you a kiss,
I never knew it would end like this.
You smiled as the train pulled away
I yearn for that smile today.
To just hear your voice
But you made your choice
All I have now is yesterday.

You were my last love
My last kiss, my soul
The nothing envelops me
The pain is so cold.
I’m not as strong as you
But my love is strong and true
I own the heart you hold.

– Cindi Patterson.

train

 

 

One Small Step for Man Kind: One Giant Leap for DirtyDazz

Looking forward, for a change.

scales

I have been slowly putting on weight again which is exciting me beyond belief. I now weigh over 72kgs and starting to get my physique back into shape. I’ve been exercising for the last couple of weeks on a daily basis, just basic aerobics.  I can see my muscle tone again! lol. Yeah yeah, I know, it’s a small thing for a lot of people out there, but for me it’s a big achievement. On top of that, my new fangs are finally ready. I had a final fitting last Thursday, but the top teeth needed an adjustment, so I only have my new bottom teeth in at the moment. Even that in itself is a huge improvement on my smile. lol.

Apart from all the downfalls over the last couple of months, this is definitely a step to feeling better about myself again. I’ve been getting itchy feet of late, wanting human interaction, to converse, to laugh, to just enjoy the company of another human being.. It’s something I long for so much lately.

So hopefully, with all going well, I’ll have a full new smile to show the world come next Tuesday… I have to admit though, the bottom set of teeth look great, the top set, well, it’s nothing like my original teeth so it’s going to take some getting used too..   But it’s a hell of a lot better than being a gummy bear when I smile.. lol.

 

Cheers all, hope you’re weekend was a good one..

 

Dazz.