I ventured out this weekend for the first time in many years (5? 6??) and met up with an old friend from my younger days. We talked for hours on end and I felt that relaxed that I had forgotten all about my teeth and the now “slight lisp”.. My speech was improving by the minute.
I’m so happy to have met up with someone I knew would still take me at face value as they always had. I can’t thank you enough for helping me over step this hurdle just by being there. I look forward to many more to come.
I Am Free To Be Me!
and I’m quite awesome..
To top off a great weekend, I had my Daughter, Bianca randomly call around this afternoon and kicked back with me for a few hours. We just kicked back on my bed chatting and listening to music. I felt a real connection with her today, it was great!.. Yes, she is whacked like me.. lol.
Life’s sure on the turn around, thinking less of the recent stress, learning to ignore the tantrums and demands of knowing what I’m doing. I think I’m becoming a better person for it. I believe we have a lesson with each life experience. I know mine was to believe that I can be loved for who I am. Because, if I don’t think I’m worthy of love, there’s no way I will believe that someone else can generally give me theirs. I had basically been taught how I acted in passed relationships. Delusional… But, it’s all so easy to let ones mind…… wander into the abyss..
Till next time..
The last few months for me have been a complete mess, I’ve blurted out emotions and hurt, anger and frustration, I’ve retaliated to emotional abuse and then some. I want to publicly apologise for my outbursts, it really has been a rough ride. It’s not that I’m worried about professionalism, I just know sometimes I can be quite malice in my words when I’m backed into a corner and biting back. I am after all only, human and feel pain as well.
This tidal wave of mixed emotions came from a recent break up, which for lack of a better word, devastated me. It was something truly special, a kind of love I had never experienced before and the fact we separated more due to circumstances rather than the loss of that love and has made the separation hard on both sides.
I want to also publicly apologise to that person for the hurt and bad words spoken, I know my words sometimes sting and I know I’ve said some pretty hurtful things. I know you’ll be reading this at some stage and know you know who you are. I also want to add that regardless of the recent outbursts, I still believe you to be the beautiful person I met so long ago, I know we’re hurting at the moment and you too are trying to cope. I know your heart is true when you’re happy. You really need to accept that people can and do love you for who you are completely. You have a beautiful mind, a beautiful soul and a beautiful body, I really hope you can find peace within yourself again and find your “happiness” in life.
What we shared will be with me forever, just know that, ok.. xx.